The Nature Of Grief
by Raggetymanftw
Summary: What if there was a fifth Horseman? What if she was nothing like she seemed? (Be kind. It's the first time I've written a fic like this..)
1. Chapter 1

"So," The voice whispered. "I raised your father and you rose too."

 _Your mind was a haze, so much power and sensations coming back to you._

"You _are_ fascinating. Only one Horseman had an offspring. You. And now, you are nearly as old as he is. Definitely older than me. I know it's rude to bring up a woman's age, but I never actually had the pleasure of knowing you before I fell. I simply admired you from afar. I always felt so drawn to you. Like we were kindred spirits. But here you are, right before me. I have to say, it is an honour meeting the daughter of Death."

 _You felt your body heave a great sigh as your lungs grew accustomed to the fresh oxygen._

"It's funny, when you think about it. Death creating life. It feels almost wrong somehow. But there is something special about you. Not just because you're the only offspring that the Horsemen created, but because, out of all of them, you are the only one who cannot be contained."

 _Awareness comes back to you. You open your eyes and the first thing you see are his eyes. Blue. The bluest you had ever seen. But this was just a vessel. You look deeper and see the angel within. The blinding light. The cold burn of it. Lucifer. You understood why they called him the Morningstar._

"But that's the funny thing about Grief. It will not be contained. It will not be controlled and everyone experiences it differently. There are so many facets to your power. Rage and frustration. Depression and pain. Paranoia and suspicion. But then there is also the coolness of peace and acceptance. One look, one touch from you could cause the sanest person to become enraged. But on the other hand, you could make the most violent of people calm and at peace. Such a power, to control the very nature of emotion. With you by my side, I can finally do what needs to be done."

 _You couldn't sense your father. You knew, somewhere in the back of your mind, that he had been there with you, but had since left your side. You did not know how or why, but clearly it had something to do with the insane archangel kneeling beside you. You sit up slowly, rising to your feet and Lucifer moved away from you slightly. You stretch out your body, feeling the cool air touching your bare skin. You turn to face Lucifer, a small smile on your face._

"Why would you try to contain me? What do you want from me?" You ask softly, not entirely used to talking yet.

Lucifer stepped towards you, smirking. "Revenge." Lucifer replied.

You stepped closer, now the both of you almost chest to chest. "Against whom?" You ask, tilting your head lightly.

"God." Lucifer replied, his eyes intense as he gazed at you.

You chuckle softly. "God?" You say. "And how do you intend to find him? Or are you just going to run around and break his toys?"

Lucifer raised his eyebrow. "You disapprove?"

You smirk. "It is all the same to me, Lucifer. The Horsemen and I thrive on this planet, but we could just as easily thrive on another planet. There will always be war and famine. There will always be pestilence and there will always be death. Whether there is anyone left to grieve, well, that's a different story. I just don't see the point of destroying this world. It obviously means nothing to God and there are thousands of planets just like it in the Cosmos. Destroying this planet is more petty than anything else. If you want revenge, don't destroy God's left overs, destroy God."

Lucifer seemed stunned for a moment. Lucifer sighed. "It isn't just about that."

You raise an eyebrow. "Then what is it about? Proving a point? The humans are flawed? Well, God obviously knew that when he created them. Proving it now is just a moot point."

Lucifer frowned. "You have suffered almost as much as I have. How can you be so rational and emotionless about it?"

You smirk. "Because you're not. You say the humans are flawed, but look at what you're doing Lucifer! You say they're full of hate and violence, but how are you any better?"

Lucifer's eyes narrowed. "Because I have the right to be. I was told by my father to love this creation more than Him. I couldn't do that. How could I love something that is so weak? So fleeting? And He casts me down into Hell for having an opinion?"

You shrug. "Well, you have a good point there. But isn't the point to be better than them? To not lower yourself to killing and being unforgiving? To love them in spite of their flaws?"

Lucifer looks at you with distain. "For someone who says they don't care; you seem to be defending the humans a great deal."

You chuckle. "Well, for lack of a better phrase, someone has to play the Devil's advocate."

Lucifer chuckled humourlessly. "No one defended me. I was betrayed by my own brothers. Do you know what Hell is like? Do you think it was some kind of cake-walk? What do you think being in Hell for the past few million years was like? What do you think it did to me?"

"It humanised you," You said, tilting your head. "In the one place that is supposed to strip your humanity, it made you feel something."

Lucifer glared at you. "Humanised me? It turned me into a monster!"

"So you recognise that what you're doing is monstrous?" You ask, genuinely curious.

Lucifer growled. "I recognise that I'm doing what must be done."

You sigh. "Fair enough."

 _A silence fell. You turned away from Lucifer and listened to the world around you. The sound of crickets. The moon shining down on the clearing. The feeling of your bare feet in the grass. The smell of rain, a sign of the storm to come._

"So will you help me?" Lucifer asked softly.

You sigh again. "I don't know Lucifer. You know I am all about balance. Do you really believe that the peoples of this earth deserve your wroth? What have they done to wrong you?"

"It's not so much the people, it is what they represent." Lucifer snapped.

You smile sadly. "What if your soulmate is amongst them?"

Lucifer spun and glared at you. "That is but a filthy lie made up by my father to encourage the angels to love the humans."

"How do you know if you've never looked? I happen to know that Gabriel found his human soulmate." You say, looking over your shoulder at the fallen angel.

Lucifer snarled. "Even if it were true, God would have surely stopped me from having a soulmate as soon as I was cast down into Hell. An added layer of punishment. Not that I even want a human soulmate."

"It's not about the fact that they're human," You say. "It's the soul that is the main thing. A human soul, unused and in Heaven could rival the power of an angel's Grace. And your human soulmate's soul will perfectly match your Grace."

Lucifer snorted his distaste, turning away from you.

"Angels were built to love," You say softly. "You are rejecting your very existence if you don't."

"Leave." Lucifer said quietly.

You raise an eyebrow at Lucifer's calm words.

"Leave!" Lucifer shouted, turning towards you.

You roll your eyes, but you snap your finger and disappear from the archangel's sight.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I'm doing a little something different with my writing style. Just a bit of an experiment. Don't hate too much :)

* * *

It was strange to be walking in open air. In the daylight. With humans passing me by without an inkling of who I am. Humanity is an interesting creation. Capable of such compassion and love, but also such violence and hate. Most of the time I just side with Gabriel. Kill the douche bags and let the innocent be free. I walk amongst these humans and it makes me feel almost insignificant. An invisible god amongst mortals.

I wonder about Lucifer's plan. The Cage messed with his already fragile mind. The Mark of Cain caused cracks, but sending him to Hell was the final straw. I can't help but feel sympathy for the fallen angel. But on the other hand, I cannot side with him. He has my father in chains.

But what can a Horseman do? I cannot help my uncles, for that would be helping Lucifer, but I cannot free my father myself or else Lucifer might find a way to destroy me because of it. The only solution would be to find someone do to it for me. A mortal. Otherwise Lucifer would sense a creature of power near my father.

It would have to be a mortal strong enough and intelligent enough to do so. The Winchesters perhaps. Not Sam. Lucifer would sense him easily, especially since he is the fallen angel's true vessel. Dean then. But how can I get them to trust me? I am a Horseman after all. I think I might trick them.

* * *

I watch the three men, invisible to them. I want to know them somewhat before I ask for their assistance.

"So, all we have to do is find Death and get his ring, then we can throw Lucifer's ass back into the Cage?" Dean said, looking at the other two.

Sam nodded. "It seems like the best course of action."

"How are we going to find Death in the first place?" Bobby asked incredulously.

I grin to myself. The perfect excuse to introduce myself.

"I think I can help you with that." I say, casting away my cloak of invisibility.

All three me reacted quickly, drawing various weapons.

I laugh softly. "Really? You think violence is the best option right now? Especially when I offer you my help."

Dean frowned. "Who are you?"

I smile, moving forward slightly, causing the three men to raise their weapons. "Relax," I say. "To put it simply, I am Grief."

"The Horseman?" Bobby gasped, dropping his gun to the table. Sam and Dean looked even more aggressive.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, I'm a Horseman."

"Why would you want to help us?" Sam asked, holding his gun tightly. "Aren't you all helping Lucifer?"

"Now why would I want to help Lucifer? He's just a little boy having a temper tantrum." I state plainly. "He is disrupting the natural order."

"Why would you care about the natural order? And how can you be a Horseman? Aren't there only supposed to be four?" Dean snapped.

I raise an eyebrow and then look at Bobby expectantly.

"Idjit. She cares about the natural order because she IS the daughter of Death. The Bible usually ignores her because she is a woman." Bobby answered, not taking his eyes off me.

I move and sit down on the arm chair in the corner of the room and smile at them. I try to keep the condescension out of it. I do need their help after all. "I will help you, but only if you help me." I say, looking up at them. "Call it a favour for a favour."

"Why would you need our help?" Dean asked, stepping forward.

"Because Lucifer has my father in chains and I will not stand for it." I snap, trying to hold back my anger.

"He has Death in chains?" Sam asked. "But why?"

I turn to look at Sam. "Death is neither good nor evil. He is balance. Lucifer is forcing him to kill, going against that balance that my father protects." I flick my dark red hair back over my shoulder, smooth out my black business suit and straighten my skirt. I don't normally allow my emotions to control me, but I forgive myself this time.

"Why don't you just free him then?" Dean asked curiously.

I sigh. "Lucifer will know it was me and I don't want to be an open enemy to me, especially as his power grows. I would prefer that he not try and find a way to kill me."

"Back to this favour for a favour business. If we break Lucifer's chains on Death, what are you going to do for us?" Bobby asked, moving around his desk to lean against the front of it.

I smile at the older hunter. "I take you to my father. Once you free him, I will ask him to give you his ring. He will most likely give it to you. I have a ring, but since I'm not what you would call an official Horseman, I don't know if it would work. But it is a backup."

The three hunters glanced at each other. "How do we know we can trust you?" Sam asked.

I chuckle softly. "You don't. But so far, I'm all you've got. Unless you want to make a deal with a demon. I'm sure they could help you find Death, but at a much steeper price than what I'm offering."

"Fine. We agree then. You do this for us, and we'll do this for you." Dean said, meeting my eyes.

I smile widely. I'm feeling particularly pleased with this turn of events. "Excellent. I'll get the ingredients for the spell and then let's get cracking."


	3. Chapter 3

Grief returned to Bobby's house not long after she had left. Grief gripped the parchment tightly in her hands. It had not been easy to find a spell that would release her father and yet still be able to be done by humans.

Grief laid the other ingredients on Bobby's desk.

Fulgurite, a vial of my blood and some holy oil.

Grief turned to the Winchester and handed them the parchment. "One of you must say it in Latin and the other must say it in English. Bobby will mix the ingredients together while you both speak the enchantment. I must leave while you are performing the spell. Lucifer must not know that I have any part in this. It's bad enough that you have to use my blood, but this was the best spell I could find." She said to them, turning away. Grief let out a sigh and a small prayer. Please let this work. After one quick glance at the hunters, she left them to it.

* * *

"Well," Dean said. "I guess we do what the lady said."

Sam and Bobby nodded, quickly moving to their positions. Sam and Dean began to chant.

"Solvite qui obligati sunt,

Et dimitte eos qui iniuste capta sint,

De cruore eques, quaeso,

Morte liberari de manu sancta,

Tutus iterum ad officium suum." Sam said, loudly.

" Unbind those who have been bound,

Release they who have been unfairly captured,

With the blood of a Horseman, I beseech you,

Death shall be freed from unholy grip,

Safe once again to fulfill his sacred duty." Dean echoed.

Suddenly, there was a gust of wind. A pale man in a black suit, with a bony face and slicked back black hair appeared before them.

"So, I supposed I have you to thank for releasing me." The man said with a slightly bored sounding drawl.

Dean cleared his throat. "Well, it was mostly your daughter…sir." Dean said, hurrying to add the last bit.

Death's mouth twitched, possibly holding back a smile. "She is nothing if not faithful."

"Yeah, well. We only helped her because she said she could do something for us. Convince you to give us your ring. So we can put Lucifer back in the Cage." Dean said, meeting Death's eye.

"Hmm," Death said softly. "I suppose you can have it, but only if you do whatever it takes."

Dean nodded. "Of course," Dean said, putting his hand out of the ring.

"Whatever it takes." Death repeated firmly.

"Yes, sir." Dean replied solemnly.

Death turned, as if he was about to leave, but paused. "Call on Grief if you need help. She cares more than she lets on." And with that, Death was gone.

* * *

You felt it more than heard it. A scream which shook the Earth. So loud and yet only allowing a few to hear it.

Lucifer could no longer bind Death. He would be expecting it otherwise. That was four horsemen 'defeated'.

You waited. You knew Lucifer would come to you soon. You felt it in the air currents and in the whispering of the trees. It reminds you of the night Lucifer rose you. The raw sense of ancient power, now released upon the world.

You lie on the grass in the middle of an abandoned field somewhere in northern USA, watching the stars. His Creation. After everything you had seen through the eons, nothing struck you quite as much as the stars. It showed you how truly tiny this planet was on the universal scale.

The universe was full of life and this was just one small piece of it.

You sensed when Lucifer arrived. It was a sharp feeling, full of power and rage and ice.

And yet, the Archangel just lay down on the grass beside you.

You glanced at him, not seeing those cold blue eyes you were expecting, but soft green/brown ones. Eyes that belonged to Sam Winchester.

You smiled sadly. It seems that Lucifer's plan was coming together. Tomorrow, he would face his brother. He might die, he might not.

Lucifer reached over and pulled your hand into his.

"I know what you're thinking." Lucifer said softly in Sam's warm tone.

You chuckle just as softly. "You can't read my mind Lucifer."

"And you have no idea how much that bothers me. But I still know."

"Oh? And pray tell, what is it that I am thinking?"

"You're worried." Lucifer answered.

"About what?" You query.

"What's going to happen tomorrow. What will come of this world whether I win or lose. If you'll have to kill me yourself to preserve balance."

You snort. "You should become a fake psychic. You'd make a killing on lying to tourists."

"Haven't I told you? I never lie. Why else would you be here, watching the stars? If you were not pondering the existence of everything."

"Maybe I just watch them for their beauty."

Lucifer laughed softly. "I know you, dear Grief. I know you don't do anything without having some other plan, or at least knowing everyone else's plans."

"Do you think so little of me?"

"Of course not. I think very highly of you. That was my point."

You roll your eyes. "Only you would praise my underhandedness. Would you still praise it if I used it against you?"

"You have already. Shame on you for using the poor, naïve Winchesters to do your bidding. To release your father." Lucifer replied, almost teasingly.

You shrug. "I am nothing if not faithful. To my father at least."

Lucifer sighed. "I should have expected that. At least your father is loyal to you as well, unlike my father…"

"Don't start on that Lucifer. This could very well be your last night on Earth if Michael kicks your ass. Enjoy it. Savour it."

Lucifer smiled mischievously and leaned closer to you. "And how do you want me to do that?"

"However you want."

Suddenly, Lucifer was kissing you. You weren't exactly expecting it, but you didn't push him away either. Slowly, he pulled away.

"Oh."

"Oh." He replied.

"Um, was Sam…?"

"Awake for that? No. He's in his own world right now."

You swallow. "Well, I definitely wasn't expecting that."

Lucifer shrugged, rolling on to his back. "You said for me to enjoy my last night however I wanted. I wanted to do that."

"Oh, so have you enjoyed yourself?" You asked sarcastically.

Lucifer turned his head to look at you. "I will remember it for all eternity."

You snort. "If you live that long."

"Worried for me?"

You laugh. "May be Lucifer. May be."


End file.
